October 23rd, 2008
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The focus of this card is on…
World issues or world shaking events, encounters and gatherings, travel, change, risks and new opportunities, but also on restriction wall or blocks.
You will be disappointed in your inability to break free of restrictive influences that are blocking you from manifesting any of your goals. You want to liberate yourself from limitation and lack other people’s problems, negative attitudes, and force confrontations.
You want to succeed in all areas of your life - your work, your dreams, everything - and you’ll have an obsessive desire to liberate yourself from restraint.
RELATIONSHIPS
You’ll be wondering if you’ll ever have the relationship you want, because in your mind it seems that you never manager to achieve the results you want. Your obsession or preoccupation with the past is hindering you ability to see what is really going on, but no matter how caught up or bound you feel, you can still break free.
WORK/ BUSINESS AND MONEY
You will experience temporary blocks to your progress, with nothing really happening, or you may be unemployed at the present time.
GUIDANCE
You will feel that everyone in the world has what they want but you, and you will want to go away and leave everything behind or begin a new life all over again somewhere else, You will be upset with another who will call and break an appointment or meeting. You won’t feel like dealing with others who call you on the phone. You will no longer be content to go along with the status quo or accept a subservient role nor will you accept your fate with compliance.
For more information on The World Tarot Card, other Tarot Cards or for a Tarot Card Reading, visit http://www.PsychicGuild.com
About the Author
The Universal Psychic Guild is a world wide organisation dedicated to assisting people grow spiritually and offers information on a whole range of free spiritual topics http://www.PsychicGuild.com
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October 22nd, 2008
Hotel Villa Marina is situated in a panoramic position in the centre of Chianciano Terme, a few steps from the thermal baths, providing the ideal place for a relaxing stay in Tuscany.
Surrounded by a beautiful garden, this welcoming Tuscan Villa has a private panoramic terrace with views over the lakes of Montepulciano and Chiusi, tastefully furnished guest rooms equipped with every modern comfort, a spacious lounge area providing the ideal corner to relax with a good book, a bar and a typical Tuscan restaurant.
The Hotel Villa Marina offers wonderful interiors and the highest standards of service to ensure guests a pleasant and relaxing stay in the suggestive area around Val di Chiana and Val d’Orcia.
The Villa Marina hotel offers comfortable and spacious guest rooms, each featuring a private bathroom with shower and hair dryer.
All accommodations are equipped with direct dial telephone, heating, piped music, colour TV and desk.
Some rooms enjoys a panoramic view over the Tuscan hills with its two lakes of Chiusi and Montepulciano.
PROPERTY FACILITIES
Groups welcome
Lift/elevator
Park
Pets accepted
Tourist information
Free parking
Reading lounge
Bar
Restaurant
If you are interested in a cheap hotel in Chianciano Terme, pls visit our catalogue of Hotels all over Italy, where you can find also a wide range of Bed and Breakfast in Rome and Hotels in Florence, from cheap to luxury, togheter with Sorrento Tours
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October 19th, 2008
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A big problem for engineer-to-order (ETO) companies is that they have many unique requirements that make traditional ERP systems unsuitable. The engineer-to-order market is relatively small and the companies themselves also tend to be small. The result is that the larger ERP software companies are more focused on the needs of the larger and more numerous repetitive manufacturers.
In the manufacturing software industry the terms are clearly recognizable. The differences between make-to-stock, assemble-to-order, make-to-order, and engineer-to-order are clearly understood.
These distinctions are not so clear for those in manufacturing evaluating software systems for the first time. There is often a mismatch in how they describe their business. Companies may describe themselves as job shops or even make-to-order when they are really engineer-to-order.
Software vendors do not help the situation. Many vendors don’t want to eliminate themselves from opportunities so they cast their net as wide as possible. They claim to support a multitude of manufacturing styles when on closer examination they are best suited to one.
The term engineer-to-order (ETO) denotes a style of manufacturing rather than a specific industry segment. Other synonymous terms are “project-based” or “custom” manufacturers. ETO companies typically have distinct characteristics about the way they conduct business that differentiate them from discrete or repetitive manufacturers.
According to Thomas R. Cutler, spokesperson for the ETO Institute, “ETO companies build unique products designed to customer specifications. Each product requires a unique set of item numbers, bills of material, and routings. Estimates and quotations are required to win business. Products are complex with long lead times, typically months or even years. Unlike standard products, the customer is heavily involved throughout the entire design and manufacturing process. Engineering changes are a way of life. Material is purchased not for inventory but for a specific project. All actual costs are allocated to a project and tracked against the original estimate. Once complete, the product is typically installed at the customer’s site. In most cases, aftermarket services continue throughout the life of the product.”
The ETO Institute (www.etoinstitute.org) is an independent organization committed to helping North American engineer-to-order (ETO) manufacturers compete more effectively in an increasingly competitive global environment. Our resources section provides a list of articles and white papers focused on manufacturing and, in particular, engineer-to-order. The bulletin board provides a forum for organizations to share ideas and information and to discuss challenges and business issues.
Thomas R. Cutler info@etoinstitute.org www.etoinstitute.org 954-486-7562
About the Author
Professional Marketing Firm
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October 18th, 2008
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‘Kenyanthropus platyops’: - Perhaps the 6,000,000 year old men found by a maverick who went behind the authorities back at the Olduvai Gorge will be proven to actually not be outside the australopithecine lineage. But the Leakey family has found a 3.5 million year old human that definitely is, and it was announced after I had written the things related hereto earlier in this effort. I love how these synchronicities occur and how much there is for us to know about ourselves. “The ‘Gang’ Hits Again Those famed Leakey fossil hunters add a new limb to our family tree - by Simon Robinson, Nairobi.
Like other members of the famous ‘hominid gang’, the sharp-eyed fossil hunters employed by paleontology’s Leakey family, Justus Erus spends three months a year scouring the dry, bone-rich riverbeds around Lake Turkana, in northern Kenya. It is a scrubby, desolate landscape, where the people are desparately poor and gun-toting young men are a menacing presence. But it is hallowed ground to scientists because of the clues it offers to early human history. Still, even after five years, Erus, a 30-year-old Turkana tribesman, had scored nary a hit-just bits of animal bones and teeth.
Then one scorching morning during the final week of the gang’s explorations in August 1999, at a site called Lomekwi, Erus noticed a white object, just a cm or two across, sticking out of a patch of brown mudstone. ‘I thought maybe it was (the bones of) a monkey,’ he says. Beckoning the expedition’s co-leader, Meave Leakey, wife and daughter-in-law, respectively, of Richard and Louis Leakey and renowned in her own right, he asked her opinion. By nightfall they realized that they had uncovered the partial remains of a humanlike skull.
The fossil turned out to be a totally new prehuman species and last week reignited one of paleontology’s greatest debates: Did we evolve in direct steps from a common apelike ancestor between 6 million and 4 million years ago? Or did the human family tree sprout branches, some of which petered out? {No integration of Mungo Man, the 6,000,000 year old find, the Black Skull or many other possibilities!}
In the past 20 years the Leakeys and others have dug up overwhelming evidence showing that between 2.5 million and 1 million years ago, the then lush woodlands and savannas of eastern Africa-where our family tree first took root-were the habitat of rival species, most of which were evolutionary dead ends. But what about before that? Paleontologists have generally agreed that there was just one hominid line, beginning with a small, upright-walking species known as ‘Australopithecus afarensis’, most famously represented by ‘Lucy’., a remarkably complete (about 40%) skeleton found in Ethiopia in 1974.
Now {Ha!} that view is being challenged. The new skull, described by Leakey and six colleagues, including her and Richard’s daughter Louise, 29, in ‘Nature’ last week, pushes the presence of co-existing species back another million years, to between 3.5 million and 3.2 million years ago. That’s right in Lucy’s time. Yet it is so different from Lucy that they assign their fossil, which they call ‘Kenyanthropus platyops’, or ‘flat- faced man of Kenya’, to a new genus, or grouping of species. ‘This means we will have to rethink the early past of hominid evolution,’ says Meave Leakey, head of paleontology at the National Museum of Kenya. {Who didn’t want the Dalhousie professor digging up the 6,000,000 year old bones on the Yale site, that he says aren’t australopithecine, to upstage them.} ‘It’s clear the picture isn’t as simple as we thought.’ Even Lucy’s discoverer Donald Johanson, director of the Institute of Human Origins at Arizona State University, concurs. ‘This is a reminder that there are probably a lot more species out there,’ he says.
K. ‘platyops’ not only had a much flatter face than Lucy, she also had smaller teeth. From the teeth, the scientists conclude that it probably ate fruits, berries and small insects while A. ‘afarensis’ consumed tougher vegetation like roots and grasses. {The skull appears to have teeth as we do. This description of things bears little fruit of the nature of our ancestors or how they felt, thought and developed the things that really count. It would fit very nicely with the ‘cave man’ fiction and our ‘gradually evolved’ species though. Thus you can rest secure in the knowledge that YOU and especially the European (you) are the highest form of life ever found on the face of this planet.} ‘They were unlikely to compete,’ says team member Fred Spoor of University College London. ‘Two species don’t usually occupy the same ecological niche.’
Old flat-face could displace A. ‘afarensis’ as a direct link in the human lineage. Or it may be a part of a branch leading to ‘Homo rudolfensis’, a species with a strikingly similar face that lived in East Africa between 2.4 and 1.8 million years ago. ‘You find something beautiful and new, but the conclusion is you actually know less,’ says Spoor. ‘But we are getting there.’ - with reporting by Andrea Dorfman/New York.” (1)
When all things are considered they are being disingenuous. Spoor or the others do know that the afarensis lineage is not related to us. As to the existence of super robustus australopithecines in the time, they don’t mention that because the probability of ‘occupying the same ecological niche’ increases the likelihood that humans and hominids banded together and formed protection groups against these larger foe with ability like their own. That is a possibility I think leads to social and cultural development that would push the meaningful aspects of human life back a great deal further. The spiritual and communicational possibilities of commerce and ritual as well as dance and herbalism, expand as people form larger units. It is likely that sexual relations between different hominids occurred and made mutational potentials to generate genetic streams of over a hundred different types in Africa. To focus on Africa forgets Siberia (Diring entry) and Mungo Man. It loses sight of Gondwana where the genetic material that became all these hominids formed before the split to South America, Australia etc. This leads to many different places on earth developing hominids. Yes, there is much to learn; but if we don’t consider all the facts we will keep our heads in a very dark place that doctors might have to use surgical tools like obsidian (as fine as any today) to remove. They have recently found an ape which the researchers think is a cross between a gorilla and a chimpanzee. It is still living in some numbers and I look forward to geneticists telling us what cannot be done while their colleagues say otherwise - some more. And those geneticists did so after I wrote much of this book. They found up to 1.8 million years ago that pubic lice which are only on humans diverged in North America.
Maybe these ancients had a technology that I still do not even know about.
“Scientists Find Possible New Human Species May 29, 1997 12:41 PM EDT MADRID (Reuter) - A group of Spanish scientists said Thursday they had discovered a new species of human beings in a 780,000-year-old fossil, possibly the oldest known European.
‘We believe this is a new species that we have called Homo antecessor,’ Jose Maria Bermudez de Castro of the Natural Museum of Natural Sciences in Madrid told a news conference.
‘It’s a species that we consider the common ancestor of modern humanity and the neandertals.’
Bermudez de Castro and a team of Spanish paleoanthropologists found the fossilised remains of a boy with a remarkably modern face in a cave in Spain’s central Atapuerca mountains during an excavation from 1994 to 1996.
They said the unique combination of features, with a face like the modern Homo sapiens species and a jaw and brow similar to the extinct Neandertals, led them to name a new species, a finding to be published in the U.S. journal Science Friday.
The boy was discovered among a group of six people of almost modern height and bone size with a relatively advanced cognitive ability, as judged by the quality of tools found near them.
‘This is clearly a very important new finding,’ Richard Gallagher, European editor of Science, told reporters.
‘These are bold, exciting proposals that already have the field buzzing.’
The Spanish team acknowledged that the decision to name a new species based on the reconstructed remains of just one boy — the faces of the adults in the cave were not as markedly modern — was controversial.
‘We think we have enough information to define it in the proper sense of a new species,’ said Antonio Rosas, a paleoanthropologist at the National Museum of Natural Sciences.
‘But people are probably going to need some time to accommodate this proposal.’ © Reuters Ltd. All rights reserved.”
About the Author
Author of Diverse Druids Guest ‘expert’ for World-Mysteries.com Columnist at The ES Press Magazine
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October 17th, 2008
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Gratitude John Cali
Over the years, Joseph has spoken often about gratitude, and the wonders it can create in our lives. In the USA this week we celebrate a day called Thanksgiving. A day of giving thanks for all the blessings in our lives. A day for expressing gratitude.
Joseph and I wrote this newsletter many years ago. But it’s never lost its timeliness, especially at this season of the year. And especially at this time in our human and planetary evolution.
I wish you all a most blessed and happy Thanksgiving, whether you’re in the USA or another country. We all have much to be thankful for, even in the world’s current state of affairs. So let us focus on all the good in our lives, especially during this holiday season.
Chief Joseph
There are many souls incarnated on the earth plane who appear to be struggling with attracting into their lives the barest, most basic necessities of physical survival. Abundance on all, or at least many, levels seems to elude them. And many of these souls often wonder why. Why them? Why is life such a struggle? Why can they not have more in their lives, more joy, more peace, more love, more money? More of all forms of abundance?
Now you’ve heard it said you create your own reality. And this is true. All of you create your own realities, your own experiences, every aspect of your experiences on the earth plane. However, even in knowing that, you may find little comfort or solace.
And yet it does not have to be this way. Abundance, in all forms, is your birthright as a child of the Goddess, the God. You are not only a child of the God/Goddess. You are the God/Goddess. You are one with God. And so this brings us back to the question of why so many, even among you, the lightworkers, are living lives of struggle.
You will hear, have already heard, voices telling you your “lot in life” is “God’s will.” Well, that’s true. The only problem is most of those uttering these words, or something similar, do not realize they are God! They are the God, the Goddess who has willed their own struggles, their lot in life. Simply being aware of, and accepting, that reality is very freeing. After all, the truth shall set you free.
We are in no way advocating you “beat up” on yourself if you are struggling with any aspect of your life. And, of course, it is true your higher self, your soul, can and will use whatever circumstances and conditions you are experiencing at the human level as the “raw material,” if you will, to produce a higher good for you. Another way of saying that is: Whatever is happening in your life can and will ultimately result in your highest good.
However, your highest good does not have to come through pain and struggle. It can come to you joyfully and easily. If you are not experiencing the abundance you want in your lives, it is because you are literally pushing it away from yourselves. After all, your natural state, your birthright, is abundance. You have always been provided for, even in the midst of your self-created struggles, though perhaps not in exactly the luxurious style to which you would love to become accustomed! But you have always been taken care of.
Think about that for a moment. Think about what you consider the worst experience of your life. Even in the midst of that experience, were you not provided for? Was there not someone “watching over” you? You have never been totally destitute, totally without resources, without recourse. You are, after all, divine beings, albeit in human form for a time. But still, you are Gods and Goddesses. And, as such, you have power, great power, divine power, absolute power to do, to create, to be anything you wish.
This is the part of your calendar year when some of your societies on the earth plane set aside a time, a day, dedicated to giving thanks. “Thanksgiving,” you’ve named it in the country you call the United States.
This is a good thing. The idea to set aside a time of thanks-giving was indeed a divinely inspired one. And there is a firm spiritual foundation underlying, if you will, the “giving of thanks.” It is what you might call a universal law. We shall call it, for today’s discussion, the Law of Gratitude.
Another law of the Universe goes something like this: You get what you focus your time and energy on. It’s called the Law of Attraction. If you focus mostly on lack and limitation, those are what you experience in your life. If you focus mostly on abundance and prosperity, you will, you must, experience those in your life. It’s the law! And it’s your choice. You get to choose whether to use the laws of the Universe for or against yourself.
And so, the giving of thanks, the expression of gratitude, is a truly magical tool. A tool you have, literally, at the tip of your tongue. You would be hard-pressed to say there is nothing in your life you can be thankful for.
Sit down and make a list, if that will help you remember all the good things, all the abundance, you have in your life right now. Think about the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the roof you sleep under, the money you have (even though you may want more), the loving and supportive family and friends you are blessed with.
Give thanks for the many blessings you already have in your life, and they will increase. They must increase. It’s the law of the Universe.
Make every day of your life Thanksgiving, a day of giving thanks to the Great Spirit, to the Universe, to your guides, teachers, and angels. And also thank your higher self, the one who, after all, helped you (the human “you”) create all the abundance you already have in your lives.
And, by the way, thank the human you too. You are all beings of great wisdom and courage. And we applaud your brave willingness to incarnate at this time in your planet’s history. A tumultuous time in many ways, but also a grand and glorious time to remember who you truly are. Your courage uplifts all, in your physical world and in our non-physical world. Your energy extends to the farthest reaches of the Universe, and uplifts all that is. That is how powerful you are, individually and together.
Giving thanks, expressing heartfelt gratitude, every day of your lives (even if only for a few moments each day) will indeed bring you rich rewards beyond your highest and wildest expectations and dreams.
Copyright © 2004 by Great Western Publishing
About the Author
Since 1992, John Cali has been communicating with a spirit called Joseph. In one of his many physical lifetimes, this spirit was incarnated as the legendary Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce tribe in what is now Oregon.
Email john@greatwesternpublishing.org Website www.greatwesternpublishing.org Free newsletter at chiefjoseph-on@mail-list.com Private readings with Chief Joseph at readings@greatwesternpublishing.org
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October 17th, 2008
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October 16th, 2008
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Having been an avid VoIP user for for ages I was confused as to why recently I had been having so many problems. Sound quality has gone right down and latency issues have become markedly noticeable. Users on VoIP online forums in the US and other countries, such as Germany and Mexico, have been noting similar problems since last year. For a while VoIP might seem like a great deal for the average person, more established interests in the telecoms industry see it differently - and are taking action against it.
Consultation
Mindful of what has happened in other countries the United Kingdom telecoms regulator Ofcom took the decisive action in February of announcing that it will look at the burgeoning Voice over IP industry and report next month on whether new laws are necessary to shield it. The consultation document says: “VoIP service providers have expressed concern that their ability to provide a reliable service may be impacted by internet access providers (ISPs) selectively degrading or blocking their VoIP traffic.”
Ofcom says it has no evidence this is occurring in the UK; only about half a million customers use it. But the forecast is for that to increase by 4m in the next six months.
And VoIP blocking takes place in other countries, more often than not those where there is still only a single incumbent telecoms company. In Saudi Arabia, for example national carrier Saudi Telecom is using software from US supplier Narus to bar all VoIP phone calls.
Telcos in the United States and other countries are hesitant to have their bandwidth encroached on by traffic from which they receive no funds and have been challenged over similar alleged incidents of internet telephony blocking. Barring Voice over IP traffic is not easy but does not break the law and blocking specific kinds of internet traffic is on the increase.
The European based VoIP giant Skype who are now owned by eBay has been particularly controversial. Skype is used by over 75m people. But increasingly a lot of people do not want Skype on their network.
Skype is seen by many to pose a potential security risk as it opens an encrypted tunnel out of the network and forms supernodes that sit on it and set up VoIP calls. There is big debate about how much bandwidth such supernodes consume. There have been warnings that in supernode mode, Skype may even saturate a 100 Mbps line.
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October 15th, 2008
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Convergncia é uma palavra muito usada como palavra chave dos marketeiros tecnolgicos pelo mercado a fora, onde procura-se de mostra que um determinado produto ou tecnologias esto caminhando, ou convergindo para uma outra.
A Digitalizao Total, é para mim, muito mais que somente uma convergncia e sim uma necessidade. Desde a inveno do telefone, que o mundo est deparando com um grande problema, OS FIOS. Sem eles, no haveriam as ligaes telefnicas, energia elétrica e até os pequenos componentes do seu computador. Voc j olhou atrs do seu computador?
Imagine voc, que para cada uma das linhas telefnicas, tem um cabo que sai da central telefnica até o aparelho do assinante? Pois é, imaginem que existam milhes no Brasil, imagine no mundo.
A digitalizao é uma grande tendncia, onde tudo estar sendo digitalizado e sendo transportado como dados dentro de um nico cabo.
O transporte de informaes digitais, é muito mais eficiente, limpo e prtico que o transporte analgico. Um cabo telefnico, consegue atender somente uma nica conexo sonora, dentro e uma faixa restrita de freqncia, devido a caractersticas do cabo e meios de transporte. Se o seu telefone fosse digital, voc poderia ter diversos servios e até mais linhas de voz pelo mesmo cabo.
A digitalizao comeou com a transmisso em satélites, muliplexadores de telefones, transmisso por fibra-ptica e depois do advento da Internet, tudo est sendo digitalizado e transportado por IP.
Quem diria, que um protocolo simples como o TCP/IP, seria a grande vedete do mundo, mesmo depois de mais de 30 anos da sua inveno e implementao.
Hoje em dia, tudo est sendo digitalizado, desde a msica do seu carro, que j toca CD, o celular e até a TV, que estar vindo digital.
Outra grande vantagem da digitalizao, est na qualidade do resultado, j que dependendo do meio, a mesma informao pode ser enviada em pacotes duplicados para utilizar no caso de erros, bem como transmitir validadores do contedo. Um exemplo disso, é o caso dos telefones celulares, que foram digitalizados faz um certo tempo e com isso aumentou a segurana contra grampo, clonagem e aumentou consideravelmente a quantidade de usurios por célula.
A Voz sobre IP Hoje, a grande vedete da digitalizao, est no VoIP, que quer dizer, Voz sobre IP, do Ingls (Voz over IP). A idéia é simples. Nas grandes organizaes, praticamente todos os lugares tem cabos de rede, que podem transportar somente a voz analgica ou dados da rede. Ento, para reduzir a quantidade de fios e equipamentos ativos da empresa, voc poder conectar no mesmo cabo de rede, o seu aparelho telefnico, com uma grande vantagem, ele poder ser mais que somente um telefone, poder ser um terminal de servios digitais.
O VoIP, tem sido amplamente utilizado para a reduo de custos telefnicos, porque as grandes corporaes, podem utilizar/ceder um pequeno espao da sua banda de conexo entre as filiais, para o transporte de voz digitalizada e compactada. Hoje em dia, praticamente todos os roteadores e centrais telefnicas digitais, suportam a conexo do VoIP, o que facilita a integrao de vrias centrais, como dentro de uma rede de telefonia normal, mas utilizando a infra-estrutura j contratada. O custo do investimento inicial, continua elevado, mas ele se paga rapidamente, basta imaginar que uma empresa reduzir em mais de 40% nos custos de telefonia por ano.
Também na onda da grande de Internet, muitas empresas tem desenvolvido programas com a idéia do VoIP, para reduzir os custos de telefonia ou até possibilitar a conversa entre um ou mais pessoas, como o www.skype.com e a www.paltalk.com.
Pessoalmente, tenho gostado da idéia da digitalizao, que possibilita também a serializao da conexo entre os equipamentos. A serializao, tem sido uma tendncia, mas falta muito o que padronizar, foram vrias tentativas e ainda existem dissidncias. No mundo da informtica, vemos o caso do USB e do Firewire, cada um tem suas vantagens e problemas, mas também procuram serializar, unificar e reduzir o nmero de conectores e cabos de conexo entre os equipamentos.
O fim dos Fios A parte, que para mim, ser o final mais emocionante e legal da digitalizao e serializao das conexes, ser o WiFi, que quer dizer, Sem fio com alta fidelidade (Wireless Fidelity).
Hoje temos o WiFi dos computadores, que tem padres especficos para o transporte de dados em rede, este meu notebook est conectado a minha rede residencial WiFi, usando o protocolo 802.11g, que me garante a taxa de 54MBits até 30 metros da base, ou seja, posso ficar sentado no sof, banheiro e até na varanda sem precisar de um monte de fios, somente o fio da rede elétrica Tomara que logo acabem com a necessidade dele também.
O uso da conexo wireless, nos é velho conhecido e as vantagens, mais ainda. Quem é que nunca viu um telefone sem fio e se no tem, gostaria? Os telefones celulares também so outro grande exemplo.
A tecnologia de antenas, transmissores e receptores evoluiu muito nos ltimos anos, garantindo a correo de erros, recuperao do sinal, baixo consumo de energia e pequeno espao para o transreceptor. Tudo isso tem ajudado a digitalizao de servios dentro de empresas, casas e grandes reas. Voc j pode encontrar por ai, diversos equipamentos que antigamente precisariam de um cabo para se conectar e hoje, usam a mesma tecnologia wireless, sendo o 802.11 ou o Blue Tooth.
Em um futuro no muito distante, teremos a possibilidade de todos os equipamentos de uma casa ou empresa, trocando dados e conectados em uma grande rede. No sei como que ficar a baguna na vizinhana, j que a transmisso sempre ultrapassar a rea fsica determinada.
About the Author
Analista de Sistemas, especialista de projetos para Internet desde 1993, projetista e mantenedor de diversos sites no Brasil, como os sites da FAMEM e Porto do Itaqui.
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October 15th, 2008
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October 15th, 2008
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The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There’s not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can’t see into the future and it’s scary.
Feeling Like You’re Starting Over
You may feel like you’re starting over - that you’ve lost everything that was important to you and you’re not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.
Let yourself know that you will get through this.
Having Difficulty Trusting Again
You may find yourself questioning who you can trust, including your own judgement since you may not have expected the break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner. You may begin to question how real your relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?
Your ability to trust may feel shaky. You probably trusted your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and abandoned, even if you’re the one who decided to leave.
While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this relationship is over that doesn’t mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn’t mean that you’ll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.
Having an Identity Crisis
You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn’t have your own identity while in the relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.
This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.
Feeling Triggered
Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back to the feelings we had in our first relationships - the ones we had with our parents.
If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.
If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some of the feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren’t aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or that the break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.
At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.
How To Survive The Triggers
It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You’re still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it’s not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.
When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming to the surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separate the past from the present.
Ways of separating the past from the present include:
Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on in the day.
Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you’ve felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming from the past.
Spend time being aware of the past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that’s not too overwhelming for you.
Let yourself know that even if you don’t know where all of your feelings are coming from, it’s likely that some of how you are feeling is from the past.
Stages of Grief
You will get through this, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.
In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that’s not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.
During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. (People do this even after a death, it’s normal.) This period of disbelief or shock is the body’s natural protection against pain.
You may try to get back together even when you know it’s over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. This is the “if only” stage - “if only I had…or, if only I hadn’t…” we might still be together. If you are doing this, you are likely trying to make sense of what has happened, trying to understand and take it in, and trying to change it too. It’s hard to take in that a break up is permanent. You’ll need time to fully absorb this reality.
At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.
The Second Stage of Grief
The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don’t allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.
Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they’ll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they’ll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can’t seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.
In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won’t. Your feelings will pass. You’ll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don’t feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn’t very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you’re the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.
The Third Stage of Grief
This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you’re going to be okay. You realize that you haven’t thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You’ve gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.
Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, afterall you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It’s full of up’s and down’s. It’s okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.
In the acceptance stage, you’ve done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn’t before. You understand yourself better, and you aren’t as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you’re feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.
Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.
Sometimes letting go just happens after you’ve let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.
Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.
Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won’t always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.
Kali Munro, © 2001
About the Author
Kali Munro, M.Ed., is a psychotherapist in private practice with twenty years experience. She offers free healing resources at her site, KaliMunro.com
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